What’s my wish for 2018?
That someone figure this MS thing out. It really really sucks to be living with this thing.
I had such a grumpy start to my day. I got so frustrated before I left the house for church that I loudly swore and banged my fist several times saying how much I hate my broken body. Then I scooted to church in -20 weather only to find my entrance door shut. Then when I finally got inside, the elevator wasn’t working. (At least while I was on route in the midst of these frigid temps I was reminded of how lucky I am to have a warm house and bed while so many people slept outside last night. I’ve got mad respect for folks who’ve learned how to survive in these elements. I just pray we don’t find anyone frozen to death during this deep freeze but to be honest I fear the worst)
I hate MS.
It negatively effects me.
It negatively effects my wife.
It negatively effects my daughter.
It negatively effects my whole life and everything and everyone in it.
I’m getting sicker. My energy and strength are waning. I hate it and hope they can cure this thing before I’m too unwell to come back from it.
I still do have hope. But I must confess, that’s waning too.
I know this is a particularly hard day and that I won’t always be feeling this way. But today I’ve particularly been focused on an awesome gift Erinn gave me for Christmas. She really is a good gift giver. She gave me this bronze sculpture which is called ‘Jesus the healer’.
I’ve taken to touching it every chance I get.
For whatever reason, It comforts me.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be physically healed from this disease. But ‘the healer’ regularly reminds me that I’m becoming healthier in lots of other ways. And for that I’m honestly grateful.
I haven’t been exercising or eating right. And yes, that makes this thing worse.
So my prayer for 2018 is to try again.
Not just for me but for those around me.
Maybe ‘the healer’ will give me the motivation and strength I need…