MS, Stephen Hawking, crack cocaine, homelessness and other random thoughts. Day 51 of being in hospital

On Thursday this past week I was feeling kinda sorry for myself yet again. According to my 3 hour neuro-psych evaluation my brain in many areas is better than average. Also, when I get my heart rate and blood pressure checked about 400 times per day (give or take) it’s kinda textbook. So my brain and heart are in good shape. But my body sucks. And on Thursday that got to me.
I suspect part of that was due to Hawking’s death and the ridiculous things people felt the need to say about his health afterwards. I won’t go into that here, but will just say that the things people said about ‘disabilities’ were hurtful. Let’s be careful folks. Gentle. Words hurt.
So it was sunny and warm-ish on Thursday so I got on my scooter and blew outta here for much of the afternoon. I needed to go to the bank so got that outta the way first. Then I realized I was by my fave samosa place so had lunch there. I was already feeling better. Then I realized I was close to our biggest shelter so scooted over to see some of my colleagues. On the way there I had to go through ‘the hood’. I saw girls working the trade on street corners. I saw pimps. I witnessed drug deals. I came across folks with significant mental health challenges. And when I got to the shelter, I was in a place where nearly 300 men have no home so needed to stay there.

All of that helped me put things back into perspective. I’m far from the only person who has been dealt some bad cards.
My body sucks and often pisses me off that it doesn’t work.
MS sucks and often pisses me off that no one can fix it.
But I’m privileged. I have a warm place to stay, a loving family, resources, great friends, caregivers that really care, and a church that I love. Not everyone can say that.
Once I adjusted things in my head, I continued on scooting around in the sunshine. I went to a grocery store and bought some colorful flowers for my room. That’s right! I bought flowers for myself darnit. I’ve never done that and it felt great. Don’t judge me,
Then I scooted into a barber shop (fully accessible, even with a button to push that opens the door) and they gave me a straight blade shave right in my scooter. I feel like it’s the equivalent of a guy’s spa treatment; hot towels and everything.
Then I scooted back to the hospital, Erinn visited with me for a couple hours, and my universe righted itself.
There is one thing that everyone actually can say but not everyone believes, including myself sometimes:
God loves me just as I am.
Today I will choose to hold on tightly to that.

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