So I’ve finally moved back home and I’m settled in nicely.
There really is no place like home.
Hopefully this time it comes without a hospital visit for a while. That was an unexpected pain in the ass blip in the road for sure.
But now I seem to have a decent rhythm going. My personal support workers are coming every day (well most days). Someone has to come to the house to help me get up and dressed in the morning and then someone else comes to help me to bed at night. We’re still working out some of the glitches on that front but the main ones seem to be that twice per week someone comes at 6 PM to put me to bed.
That one has to be fixed!
I now go to bed on those days earlier than our child. Though I suppose even if things were ‘normal’ I would still be long asleep before she was… but 6 o’clock is ridiculous.
It is safe to say that when I was a teenager and visualizing my future it did not include being in a wheelchair depending on people coming to my home so that I could get up and go to bed each day.
So much has changed now.
So much is gone.
So much is just not the way it ‘should’ be. (though I’m learning there’s no ‘shoulds’)
Life has proven yet again to not be fair.
But, there is a new chapter in my journey to be written. I am sitting under a blue sky in the local park and enjoying the warmth.
The grass is green, the trees are blooming and the birds are singing.
I’m wearing shorts and sandals and short sleeves. (No pants!)
I’m writing and watching/listening to the life of the park happen in front of me. I feel content.
When I was looking at the house this morning I realized I was observing a metaphor for the past year. We had to rip up the front yard in order to put the window in to our basement. The perennial garden that had taken 15 or so years to mature is all gone. The front deck had to be ripped down also in order to get the front excavated so as to put in the window. Right now the front of the house looks a bit like a tornado hit it.
But amidst the death and destruction, there is new life. Our tree is blooming. The tulip bulbs we put in which we thought had zero chance of surviving are breaking through.
Life is making its way through the cracks.
That’s how I am viewing my life right now. I have had to die to many things that are ‘normal’ for so many people. But it is leading to life in a different way than I could ever have imagined. I see the world through a different lens; one of gratitude and hope.
Yes, I still get angry. I still hate multiple sclerosis. I still hate being in a wheelchair. I would gladly give all of that up for some normalcy.
But I also see the life that comes with it despite the tornado of the past year. And I am grateful for it. I plan to use this life in the best way I can to try and bring some hope to my little corner of the world.
In the midst of what seems to be insane politics, human destruction and violence everywhere I look, being about faith, hope, and love; being alive and seeing life break through the death all around me, is all I’ve got.
And that’s good enough for me.