“I think God may actually hate us”.
I’ve said this a few times this past week in jest. Well mostly in jest...
In all honesty, this past week I have to confess I’m feeling kind of down. COVID fatigue really hit me hard these past few days. Hearing about the soaring unemployment rate everywhere. Seeing how unjust folks who are on the street continue to be treated, even though some folks have gotten housing (which is great). Having a good friend go in for 5 straight days of radiation treatment last week. Knowing that family run businesses that we have frequented locally will have a difficult time surviving. Hearing about the number of people dying from this disease; especially seniors who live in senior homes. Hearing about the number of people needing food banks going through the roof. And being a shelter guy, knowing full well that many shelter staff are working their butts off but still getting shit on by the anti-poverty activists is driving me crazy.
But if I’m really being honest, and I know this is incredibly self-centered, I think that it’s mostly the crappy weather that’s getting to me. Or maybe it's the just the last straw. We had a teaser of a warm day a couple of Sundays ago and since then it has been freezing cold. We’re even getting some snow for crying out loud. I’m going stir crazy. I know I’m not alone in this so that’s something I know. But man is this really getting me down. You can’t go outside for more than a few minutes without being really cold. I am sick and tired of being stuck inside.
I began taking an antidepressant when I ended up in the wheelchair a couple of years ago. And for the most part that has done a great job in regulating my mood (though my family may say otherwise:) And I’m not in any danger of hurting myself or anything like that so don’t worry I promise. But I feel really low and antsy about this weather finally warming up. It’s really getting to me.
So even though I have wondered aloud about whether God actually hates us right now, I don’t actually think that’s true.
In fact, I was reminded just yesterday that God doesn’t hate us at all but actually really loves us. I was out buying some Mother’s Day flowers and it started to rain. I had run into some friends from church who were doing the same things. And again I said, as sort of a joke, that I think God may just hate us.
And he said;
“Actually this may be a simple reminder that God really loves us.”
So I will try to hold onto this hope, this assurance, at least until the weather finally changes to some springlike conditions.
And if not, there’s always antidepressants.