Reflections on being screwed up.

The other day I was sitting on a park bench just outside of the place that I’m staying in. It was a beautiful sunny day with no clouds in the sky. But yet, out of nowhere, it began to rain. I couldn’t understand it at all. I was literally getting wet and kind of chilled. And on top of that, while I was trying to figure out what was going on, Superwoman walked by me.
I’m not kidding! And no, this was not a dream. I’m sitting on a bench under a tree on a very sunny day, minding my own business and trying to reflect on the things I’ve learned, and it begins to rain while Superwoman walks past me.
I stared at her. She looked at me funny, I suspect wondering why I was gawking at her. I felt the need then to tell her that I was staring because I did not expect to see Superwoman walking past me in the rain at this point in time. She laughed and said “you have to expect the unexpected”. I told her I was thankful that she confirmed what I was seeing and experiencing, because I was beginning to wonder if my drugs were wearing off. Or if I needed to be hospitalized for a few days. But I digress…
I’ve been at a retreat center all week in Niagara Falls (I’ve been told, by the way, that if the wind is just right the mist from the falls can feel like rain all the way over here at the center). I’m here because of some training that I’ve been doing. I’ve had a few surreal, possibly mystical experiences that have drawn me closer to God. (Maybe the Superwoman experience was one of them. Who knows? Time will tell)

One wonderful aspect of the training is that I’m getting to know other people with a similar interest in following the call of God. Over the course of the week I’ve heard quite a few stories from people in relation to how different circumstances have deepened their spirituality. One of the many things I learned through listening to those stories was that well, we are all screwed up! Everyone has so much pain and brokenness.
And even though I do not believe that God is responsible for any of the brokenness in any of us, I was reminded yet again that He uses those cracks in us, those screwed up places, in order to get into our lives in a different way than She could if everything went perfectly well for us.
I sure know that that is true for me. Through my screwed-up-ness, in my life with Multiple Sclerosis and the million other things that are not perfect with me, I believe that God has spoken and revealed Himself to me in ways that could never have happened if life went ‘according to my plan’.
And our screwed-up-ness is what unites us all. It is our brokenness that brings us closer to each other and to God.
So even though I cannot stand my particular brand of screwed-up-ness and often feel sorry for myself, I once again am thankful for the reminder that God loves me and is near, every step of the way.