I’m now in my 4th year of not going to church in the summer. It’s too hot and humid. My tolerance for humidity gets worse each year due to MS related complications. Humidity simply sucks the life outta me. It’s hard enough as it is. So back when I told my doctor about how I feel when I go to my wonderful, yet old and non-air conditioned church, she told me I’d be wise to not go in the summer.
I’m continuing to take her advice.
It still feels weird on a Sunday after so many missed weeks to not be going. I don’t feel guilty anymore about it. It’s just that I just miss the community.
And I miss the worship time.
So on this fine Sunday I decided to try and do something worshipful. And by worshipful I mean I did some things to look after my body and my soul.
First off, Erinn and I went to the gym. My doctor also tells me (every time she sees me) that exercise is the one thing that has been proven through research to help slow this disease down. So lately I’ve been deciding to follow her advice on this count as well.
But that’s definitely not always the case. I’m very aware of that I’m playing out my own personal story of Israel over and over again. I’m pretty sure that’s why the story is there; not so that I can point fingers at them when they mess it up, but so that I can see myself in the story. When I feel good, I forget the need for the gym and for treating my body well. So I don’t remember how vital it is to do anything about taking care of my body and inevitably I screw up. Then when I’m feeling crappy, I promise myself that when I get out of that mess that I will eat well and exercise.
And that repeats over and over again.
Just like Israel in the Old Testament. When things go well they forget their need for God and then when things go off the rails they remember God and cry out to him. And we see this over and over and over and over…
When we got home today we sat in the living room and I turned on some worship music.
Yes, worship music.
A lot of it is really bad I admit, but there is some good stuff out there too. The song that really hit me hard today was a song called “Looking for a Savior” by a band called ‘United Pursuit’. While I want to make a promise to not be ‘Israel’ again, I dare not do that. The lyrics from this song tell the rest of my story today better than I ever could. So I will end with these words;
Looking for a Savior
I abandon my addiction to the certainty of life
and my need to know everything
this illusion cannot speak, it cannot walk with me at night
as I taste life’s fragility
I am looking for a savior i can see and know and touch
one who dwells within the midst of us
May a broken God be known within the earth beneath our feet,
let our souls behold humility
let our souls behold humility
when our plans become the casualties of getting through the day
and we begin to know our weakness
and denial isn’t strong enough to hold our fears at bay
and we can’t escape our emptiness
I see the sympathy of heaven in the earth and wind and trees
I see hope within the morning sun
I am searching for meaning
I am looking for healing
I am haunted by your reflection
I was blinded by my addictions
I am torn apart by the dying
I am giving up on escaping
will learn to live without taking
will i learn to see beauty in the making
I can’t pretend to know
the beginning from the end
But there’s beauty in the life that’s given
we may bless or we may curse
every twist and every turn
will we learn to know the joy of living
Come to think of it, I guess I did go to church today after all.