Advent. Day 6 of 24
I went to the gym this morning.
That’s right. The gym.
It’s been sooo long.
My wife Erinn signed us up as a family to a gym that is designed to accommodate folks with disabilities. She’s been going there herself for a while now, all the while trying to encourage me to go with her.
But I’ve not been going. I’ve not had the motivation to go. The truth is, I’ve been kind of depressed. I’ve been in a ‘why bother?’, ‘what’s the point?’ state of mind. I’ve felt that no matter how hard I try, this disease is kicking my ass. It’s winning.
Erinn has watched this happen and has been trying to get me moving again. So last week I promised her that this week I would join her.
So this morning at 6am we get up, get dressed (well she helps me get my socks and shoes on to help me save time and energy), and go to the gym. I didn’t want t go. I didn’t want to get out of bed.
But I made a promise.
And now I’m glad I did. It was hard but worth it I think. I rode a hand bike on their track, then worked my legs on some machines, and I even did a few bench presses. The staff there are especially trained to help people like me get on and off machines. I kept saying “I’m sorry” every time they had to help me on or off and they kept telling me there’s nothing to be sorry about.
But I feel embarrassed, and weak, and dependent.
It sucks. It’s depressing.
Then another gym member looked over at me and smiled and told me we’re all in this together and there’s nothing to be sorry about. For some reason that meant something to me.
So if tomorrow comes, at 6am I’ll get up again and go to the gym with Erinn. And hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel a little more motivated, a little less sorry, and a little less depressed.
Hopefully I’ll be more hopeful tomorrow.
That’s what Advent is, a hopeful longing and working towards a better tomorrow.
Come Lord Jesus.