Well it’s been quite a couple of weeks. Most of you know I spent the bulk of last week in the hospital due to a virus that literally knocked me off my feet. That was a brutal few days.
They let me out last Friday, a week ago today. I felt great. Erinn (who spent every single day with me) brought me my scooter and I scooted home, thrilled to be outside wearing real clothes and breathing fresh air. But as soon as I got home and got up on my feet with my walker, I realized I was dizzy and struggling more than usual to get around. I thought it was just post-hospital weakness, but sadly it was more. It turns out the virus was hanging on, causing me vertigo. My doctor reaffirmed that it was viral and I needed to hold on, stay hydrated, and all will be well eventually. Well it’s been a week and even though I feel like I’ve turned a corner, I’m still light-headed, weak and really tired. I had hoped to be further along than this by now if I’m being honest.
The upside is that I’m not in as dark a space emotionally and spiritually as I was while I was in hospital. (I was in isolation, eating crappy food, stuck in a windowless room for half the time. It’s a wonder everyone there isn’t depressed…) I do want to thank the many of you who have offered support in so many ways to me and my family during this time. From a hot meal delivered every day, to prayers and positive thoughts, to friends dropping by, to flowers and fruit and a teddy-bear delivery, I am so grateful for the love and care offered us in this time by so many.
Even though I’m not quite praying my own prayers just yet, I have been finding comfort in Thomas Merton’s famous prayer these days. So I’ll end this brief update with his prayer, which I believe is one that many people often find comfort in.
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
Amen