A Shitty few weeks (191 Days away from home)
Well I’m not gonna lie. It’s been a bit of a shitty couple of weeks. I hate this brutal disease.
First off my next-door neighbour took his life one night. I don’t know how old he was but he seemed to be about my age. He was in a wheelchair just like me and we talked pretty much every night in front of our building, including the night before he took his life. I knew he was depressed. But he seemed fine when we chatted that night. I was sad and even a bit shaken to hear that he was gone.
It happened to be the same night that some guy in his 20s with apparently significant mental health issues took a gun and went out onto the Danforth and shot up the whole neighborhood. It was the same street that my family and I had dinner on just a few hours earlier.
People lost their lives.
People lost their friends.
People lost their sense of safety.
It was a tragic evening on so many levels.
Then last Thursday there was going to be a farewell/thank you barbeque for me from Causeway. It was to start at 6:30 but at 5 PM that day the skies were black and the forecast was for rain all night. So the event got postponed. However, just my luck of course, at 6:30 the skies cleared and it was the most beautiful evening of the summer. I was more sad about it than I expected to be. Sad that at 48 I needed to retire from work that I love. And sad that this event had to be postponed due to weather that turned out to be the opposite of bad. So I drove my wheelchair up the street to find comfort food and sure enough I found the most amazing spicy fried chicken ever. It gave me temporary happiness and a fairly giant crap The next day. (I told you it’s been a shitty few weeks…:)
The event got rescheduled for the following Thursday Which was beautiful, but at that point I was really sick. I had woken up with a fever the day before and could barely do anything for myself. The fever broke that day but the next day I was still quite weary from it. I went to the barbeque but had to leave early because I just wasn’t well.
And speaking of not being well, I have been planning for weeks to go away this weekend to a cottage with my family and several other families that I have grown to love dearly over the years. I even bought a gizmo that helps me stand and transfer from my chair to a bed or a couch. But I am still quite fatigued from that fever so I sadly needed to take a pass on the very first time that I would have gone away since all this happened to me. So my family, with 100% endorsement from me of course, are at a cottage with our dear friends and here I am sitting in an apartment that is not my home.
So yeah, today I’m feeling extra sorry for myself.
Woe is me:)
I am now 191 days into not being at home. And I cannot wait to get back there. Even though I will still have multiple sclerosis living there, it will still be home.
Our renos have begun. Our house is currently upside down. But within a few months it should be liveable for me.
And that’s something to look forward to.
That’s something that gives me hope.