I’ve been having dreams.
Beautiful, scrumptious, delicious, erotic dreams.
Dreams I don’t want to wake up from.
The dreams are of me walking down the street.
Yup. That’s it. Just walking along a sidewalk in a regular old neighbourhood on an average sunny day. Nobody notices me doing it. There’s no fanfare. I’m just walking. But I’m walking without mobility aids. In my dreams I’m not using a cane or a walker or a mobility scooter. I’m walking on my own without help from anyone or anything.
As a disabled guy, these dreams are just plain awesome.
For a while there, I thought that they were exclusive to me. I thought that maybe God was trying to tell me something in my sleep. I do believe that God has spoken to me in my dreams at times over the years, so I wondered if this was one of those times. I wondered if maybe I was being told that I would walk again someday. But then I posted on Facebook that I have these dreams, and my disabled friends one by one responded by saying that they too have similar experiences. I realized that I was not alone in my fantasies about walking that played themselves out in my dreams.
At first, when I learned that this phenomenon seemed common amongst disabled people, I kind of felt sad. I thought this was something that was exclusive to me. I thought maybe the dreams meant that I’d be healed and that I’d walk again someday. But now that it’s been a few months since I’ve discovered that others had these dream encounters, my feelings have changed from sad to grateful to be experiencing this thing with others. Some of their Facebook comments have helped me to articulate why I feel so great after a dream like this. One person commented, “It’s God’s gift to us”. Another friend with MS said, “Love those dreams. I wake up feeling so damn good”. One deeply Christian friend who isn’t disabled concluded, “It’s like a time out”. I took that to mean these dreams are a gift (maybe from God?) to take a break, take some respite, from the disease.
I don’t actually know for sure what the dreams mean to be honest. But I do know that I am learning from them. These dreams have united me on a deeper level with my disabled friends. They have helped me to remember that I am not alone in the struggle. They have given me ‘time outs’ where I can be normal again, whatever that means. They have helped me to wake up feeling ‘damn good’ and ready to face the day. They have given me hope. And even though I have had to rethink what God might be saying to me in the dreams about potentially being physically healed, I feel closer to God through them because of the hope and connectedness they bring me.
Plus, I still feel like God is speaking through these dreams. Not just to me as I originally and selfishly thought, but also to all of my disabled friends, that we will all walk again someday.
Oh what a great day that’ll be!!!